mirage
by YNK
Summary: Is it so wrong to reach for dreams? Or are they just as a mirage? Please read original version at dotmoon dot net, under the pseudonym 'Ducky' while I figure out the formatting here on this site.


mirage 01 mirage seen by Ducky mirage (mi räzh') n. an optical illusion, caused by the refraction of light, in which a distant object appears nearby (She was floating.) (It was quiet, serene, a place she had never seen before, never been before.) (The Ideal.) ('Please ... help me ...') (A little child, frightened. She reached out her hand.) ('Don't be scared. I'll help you.') act 01: introduction // begin Something was off again. It was stronger now, the feeling that things weren't right, just like before, two days ago. Rei stopped sweeping, letting the stillness take her, searching within it, hoping it would give her an answer. Nothing. And that scared her all the more. The broom dropped to the ground as Rei dashed inside. The phone had never sounded so loud before, the shrill sound scaring Ami half out of her chair. She breathed deeply, composing herself, then resumed her typing with her left hand, her right hand reaching over to pick up the phone. The typing stopped. No. The group had assembled at the hospital after a series of terse phone calls. Rei, Ami, Makoto, Minako, Hotaru and Haruka sat, stood, and paced as they waited, nervously, dreading the news Mamoru had yet to give, news that they already knew. He walked in as a doctor; lab coat immaculate, shoes shined, stethoscope perfectly laid around his neck, clipboard in hand and, to complete the look, a blank, expressionless face, which in itself spoke volumes to the waiting. But they saw it in his eyes. He was Mamoru, would always be Mamoru and, despite his attempts to be otherwise, it was Mamoru standing there before them. He knew that they knew. They'd known, they'd felt it but he had to make the unspoken a spoken truth. He had to be the one to voice it, regardless of what they knew. Saying it made it real. But I don't want to make it real ... He sighed. And he told them. Start to finish, taking in and setting aside the stunned faces, the terrified eyes and pushed through to the end. He refused to break down, not here, not now - 'There's work to be done.' 'But what can we possibly do? We have no powers; if we go out there we'll end up like -' Makoto stopped. A silence fell, filling in the obvious blank. We'll end up like Usagi. 'But we have to do something. With or without our powers, we're still Senshi.' Hesitant glances were passed. Minako quieted, almost whispering 'We have to try. It's what Usagi would want.' The other truth, the second reality that they all knew. 'We're going to need help.' Rei shifted in her seat, her eyes distant, not seeing the surprised looks. 'I can barely sense anything now.' Hotaru looked instinctively to Haruka, noticed how she had straightened at the words. She knew what Rei was implying, knew that Haruka knew what was being implied, what everyone was waiting for her to say, what they wanted - needed - her to do. It all came back to the mission. I'm 16 all over again. 'I could talk to her, if you want.' Ami, always the perceptive one, more than anyone really knew. A moment, but Haruka shook her head. 'It was my fault she left.' It's my right to apologize. And try to bring her back. She hesitated before leaving her car. The engine had seemed so loud, but now that it was turned off, her mind was no longer focused on the sound. Her thoughts overwhelmed her. She closed her eyes. Just keep it professional. The only reason that you're here is because of the present situation. The mission. No prying into each other's personal life, no 'how do you do's, no divulging of any information not pertinent to the crisis at hand. Think 16 again. A nod and she gathered her keys and what was all of her courage into her hand and got out of her car, walking down the pathway. It was quiet, almost oppressive, but not really silent. The lights weren't on. She winced at the sound of the doorbell echoing inside the house. The neighbors probably heard. But she rang one more time, just to be sure. A light flickered on. She felt her heart beat speed up and she consciously had to fight to keep her breathing under control. You're 16 again - before you cared, before you understood The door opened. Michiru had to resist the urge to shut it again and Haruka saw it. No 'how do you do's ... 'Usagi is dying.' She froze. Haruka watched as incredulous disbelief, then horror pass over the other woman's face. 'What?' 'Two days ago.' Perplexity. 'You felt it.' Understanding dawned. Then concern 'But ... how?' 'We don't know.' 'You don't know?!' 'No one was there. None of us were there.' Silence fell. Haruka, silhouetted in the moonlight. Michiru, standing in the half-light. She lifted a hand to her face, confusion clearly evident. The visions ... Belatedly, Michiru motioned for Haruka to come in. They walked through the house, settling in the living room. They sat opposite each other. She was calm now. 'You want me to come back.' Haruka controlled her reaction and answered carefully. 'To help Usagi, yes.' Michiru realized what she'd said. Averted her gaze. 'Yes ... to help Usagi.' Another silence. ('Usagi, are you all right?') (Ethereal, she looked at the little boy, a slight smile on her face.) ('How do you know my name?') ('I've heard of you. Everyone knows about you.') (Innocent. Just a lost little child.) ('Everyone?') (She looked around.) ('What "everyone"?') (Not accusing; never accusing. Gentle, curious. The child kept at ease.) ('They all went away.') ('Is that why you were scared?') (A nod. A sniffle.) (Please don't go away. I don't want to be alone.) (A gentle embrace, like a mother would.) (Don't worry. I'll stay with you.) The machines beeped a muted rhythm, a monotonous tone attempting to take the place of the now faint heartbeat. Mamoru knew the difference. Felt it inside. He was losing her. Here, but not. Alive, but barely. He closed his eyes. Holding on to the nearly lifeless hand. Please don't go away. I don't want to be alone. act 01: introduction // end Ducky 12 May 2003 - 27 May 2003 


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